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The Scrap Yards of Newtown

Average Rating:    (3 of 5)

No. of Reviews: 2

Well let me explain this place so it make sence to the common village idiot. Newtown is a growing place and has been since it was founded back in the days of old. As this place grew the trash and scrap of the town was commonly discarded in mass to restricted zone called C33 block 4. After trouble with the government the Newtown Trash Department (founded by old man Gilabertie) was ordered to clean the waste from C33 and return it to the right full owners, Newtownians. recently a punk band called the Lethal Fremonts began raising charity to turn this Scrap Yard into the best Bike trails in Newtown, and that they did. Now for a quick description of the trails themselves. They are made up of medal/wood/plastic/chicken/glass/deer scrap. The smell is almost unbearable and you can pretty much expect to be injured upon arrival. There are many natural jumps not even found in nature itself. Some rampes clear Gopher Gulley, and murky waters or let me just say liquids unkwown to man. My ownly words of advise are just to remin calm when confronted by any red tailed squirrels of Pronghorn Lillyfrickles, down blink of emit and moisture for they know your weaknesses and will use them against you. Some rules for the trail are as follows: -No drinks/food permitted -Bike must be equipped with a silent alarm and -A speed limit of 14 gigajewels is in effect. Thankyou and enjoy the trail!!!
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Trail Directions
Take I-95 to the Newtown Yardley exit, and take the bypass into the heart of Newtown, otherwise known as Scalywimtosia. The trail is located at 37 degrees west longitude and 14 degrees north latitude if you happened to have a glode made in 1778 by a Jewish slave called Shlotzkie Slap Jack Javorski in Baltimore. If you don't have the glode take a casual walk behind the 7-11 in Newtown while trying to avoid the own Harry also known as the Spawn of Satan he is known for carrying whipping people with a detached radio cord/plug. Anyway the scrapyard is just around the Sea Monkey lack past the Black Forest and bam there it is.
Trail Length
16.33333333333 miles
Trail Level
Trails for all skill levels
Trail Type
Fire Roads
Newtown silly ass

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Reviews 1 - 2 (2 Reviews Total)

Review Date
July 11, 2007

Overall Rating
 1 of 5

Aerobic Difficulty
 1 of 5

Technical Difficulty
 1 of 5

Ridden Trail:
Once a week

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Reviewed by: orlowskij ,  Downhiller

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Review Date
November 4, 2002

Overall Rating
 5 of 5

Ridden Trail:
Every few months

Visitors rate this review
1.00 of 5, 1.00 votes

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Reviewed by: Eli , from Whereabouts=Newtown

Very nice trails. Although my first ride was painful (snapped apendix), it was the most ubelievable ride i ever had. My times i have ridden this trail from then after my long, enduring, intense games of hockey. It is a great place to lose that extra fat that you get when you work at WENDY'S for a long time.I LOVE THE SCRAPYARDS!!!!

Recommended Route:
See above, but yeaild at all antelope crossings for eye contact is fatal.

Other recommended trails in the same area:
Stonybridge Court Trails, Weasel redemption is also nice.

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Reviews 1 - 2 (2 Reviews Total)